perfect

my maternity leave is coming to an end and it's back to work on monday.  i don't know what's in store for me and all the work that probably has to be done.  a workday would have been great beforehand, but jay got sick on thursday and we all had to stay home.  as i look back through these few weeks on my life and start to think, one word comes to mind PERFECT.  back in may when we found out mason would have down syndrome, it was devastating.  your dreams for your kids are to be the smartest, hit every milestone early and be the best they can be at all times felt like they had ended.  at that time, it felt like we had been hit by a mack truck and those dreams were crushed.  we excepted the fact that yes he would have delays and that there would be things he couldn't do or would take longer to do.  there were many tears the day we found out for sure this would be the diagnosis.  throughout the next few weeks/months, i know i thought about what he would look like and since all the hormones would be rushing through me after birth, what a basket case i would be once mason was here.  i guess i was preparing myself for this the rest of a the time.

the day of his birth came rushing in and i mean this literally and all of a sudden he was here.  i couldn't cry, but just look at him and smile.  it's crazy how one kid can just make you forget about everything from before.  the look on jay's eye when he saw him was priceless and still is.  for the most part, he is very gentle with him and goes up to him holding his hand and saying how small it is.  he's always interested in diaper changes and wants to watch.  jay knows nothing except that mason is his baby brother just like everyone else has a baby brother or sister.  he wouldn't treat him any differently than any other sibling.  throughout my time with mason, it has been great.  he isn't a fussy baby and just goes with the flow.  i think this has helped me along the way.  the feeling of being a basket case has not really come on.

one day, i think i was more tired than any other day because i was working on school work and just was exhausted from it.  garrett looked at me at dinner and asked if i had been crying, and i just looked up and said yes.  i started to explain and started crying again and said he's just PERFECT.  it doesn't matter the doctors' appointments i have to attend to make sure everything is alright or the delays he may have later on.  we will take this day by day, not looking too far into the future and thank God everyday for the blessing He has sent.  my worries of what he looks like were tossed out the window, especially when people just walk by the stroller and say he is just beautiful without knowing his prognosis.  and on monday when i go back to work, it is awesome to know that he is already loved by all of his teachers.  they are so excited to get him and i know will take the best care of him.